Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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