At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
