If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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