im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
