I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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