My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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