I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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