i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
