idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
