I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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