I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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