I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize