Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
