I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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