you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
