just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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