I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
