Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
