...so i touched it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
