Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
