everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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