I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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