shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
