This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
