I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
