Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They have beer where we have blood.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize