I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize