He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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