I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
MIDGETS
????
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
