Screwed.edu
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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