I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dear god my vagina.
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