birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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