i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
