If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
