the condom got lost in my hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
