Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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