He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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