i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
