and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
