Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
