4 words: hood of his car
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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