Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
jump out the window naked night went bad
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