my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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