He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
