I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
