I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
