I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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