he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
