I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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