Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
pray to the hookup gods
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
