What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
