I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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