i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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