You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
