we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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