Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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