It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
