thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
