so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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