Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
