I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
