From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
