Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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