Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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