Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
