i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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