I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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