hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
